The lost of two angels, but still living in our hearts.

Here is a true story that has melted a lot of hearts and have caused pain on their parents. Their love for these two beautiful girls will never end. Two angels that will be remembered even tho they spent hours in this world. I could not even imagine the pain they are going thru because my daughter still live. And I would literally die if I lost one of them. So many questions had to be going thru their minds. So many mixed up feelings. Just remembering them on that sad day. But they have held on tight and they have not given up. Learn from this dear readers. Let's reach out and send a prayer to this beautiful family and those angels in heaven.

On March 28 2013 my husband and I found out that we were pregnant. That was the day of our 4 year wedding anniversary. We have a 3 yrd old who was planned and we were shocked when we found out we would be having another. I was very excited I prayed that I would have a girl. At the end of April we found out that we were having twins. In May my husband left overseas for his 3rd tour. Soon after we found out that we were having two girls!!! My dreams came true I was so excited!! We found out that the girls were MoMo twins meaning they shared the same placenta. 

My Dr. in AL didn’t feel comfortable with twins he would tell me that the human body was not meant for twins and that I needed to prepare myself for the worst. I didn't of course I knew my girls were my heart already with every roll and kick I fell deeper in love with them. I started seeing a high risk DR in Pensacola FL ( an hr. and a half away from home ) Around 5 months or so my cervix started to thin out so the high risk Dr. stitched it up. After that we had the amniotic test done and we soon learned that the girls had a rare condition known as 17Q12 deletion. In all the ultrasounds the girls both had brightened kidneys. We didn't know much about the outcome of how the deletion would affect the girls until birth I was told best case kidney stones. 

Worse case being kidney transplant, severe autism, and severe psychological issues. I didn't worry one bit I knew no matter what I would love my girls with all my heart no matter how different they were I would love them for exactly who they are. At 28 weeks or so I was admitted to the Pensacola high risk center for contractions. The girls fluid levels were not right. Skylar would have too much where Scarlet would have little to none at times. Their heartbeats were strong. Twin to twin transfusion came and quickly resolved itself. It seemed like every ultrasound there was more bad news. I would ask my Dr. (a different high risk Dr. than before) if they were just going to wait until something terrible happened then take the girls. I had already had my steroid shots and the girls were at proper weight and development. The nurses would complain because I was on 24-7 monitoring and they could never seem to get a good trace on the girls they would stay in my room for hours trying to get them at one point they even used three different machines and ultrasound. My body was hurting was having the bands on so tight all the time. At 31wks and 4 days I started having contractions back to back 5-7mins apart and they were painful. 

They tried several medications but nothing seemed to help. I told the Dr that if they would take the stitches out of my cervix I would have the girls but he refused. I started gushing fluids with in these days but they didn't care since it was not my water. At 32 weeks to the day I was woken up at 6am to ultrasound and high risk doctors saying that they could not find Skylars heartbeat and that she was going and they were rushing me to the OR to save Scarlet. (they still cannot tell me what caused Skylar to pass or how long she was in there before they could find out there was not heartbeat.) When I woke up from surgery my precious angel was next to me wrapped up in a pink blanket so peaceful she was so beautiful and looked exactly how I imagined in my dreams I held her until they forced me to give her back my heart broke into tiny pieces and I couldn't help but to blame myself. Scarlet was in the NICU attached to more machines and wires I have ever seen in my life. At first they said she was doing good and trying to breathe on her own but that they were having issues with her BP. I sat by her side I was not allowed to hold her hand I could only place my finger on her hand. While all this was going on I had to call Red Cross and so they could notify my husband. He reached me via email to find out all the details and find out about Scarlet. All day I was back and forth visiting my daughter every time they said I could go I was there no questions asked. 

 Later that night the head of the prenatal until came into my room with 'the look' I started crying instantly he assured me that she was alive BUT she had severe brain damage and would not make it through the night that it was causing her whole nervous system to shut down. He said I had two choices I could let her stay on the machine and her pass or they could make her comfortable and I could hold her for the first and last time. My husband wasn't online and I had no idea where he was so I had to make this decision on my own. And I decided that I wanted to hold her and snug her and tell her how much I love her and need her.

They said she would only last a few minutes but they were wrong my baby girls lasted almost an hour in my arms. She had NEVER opened her eyes until I was holding her and I whispered in her ear she had the most amazing blue eyes. The dr said she was completely unresponsive but he was wrong yet again when she heard my voice her eyes would open and she would kick her feet. She was precious. When she passed she looked at me closed her eyes and squinted her nose ( just like she had done in her ultrasounds ) When my husband landed in Germany I had to break the news to him the worst thing I have ever had to do in my life. It took him a week to get home. Then he only had 10 days. We had to plan services and travel back to Ft. Campbell. If it was not for two churches in my home town and my community we would not have been able to afford services for our girls. 

Every day it hurts more and every day I pray that I will no longer be angry with God for letting me carry my girls and fall in love with them and him take them from me without warning. I put on a strong face for my family my husband and son need me to be strong but I still break down every night and cry myself to sleep. My husband was gone the whole pregnancy and never had a chance to hold our girls. I am dedicated to keeping my girls memory alive. I feel the pain of their loss every single day and I see the scar every day that reminds me what I have worked so hard for and what I have lost. They say everything happens for a reason and I want to know the reason for losing my girls. 

The drs will not give me any information. Hell only one out of three came into my room and cried with me. ( that Dr resigned a month after my girls ) I wish I could turn back time and make them listen to me when I was telling them something wasn't right. I’ll always have to live with that now. I LOVE YOU SKYLAR RAE AND SCARLET MAE