I have come to the conclusion that life is pretty fair. That we get what we deserve. It can be in a good way or in a bad way but we sure get it. I will be 34 in the next two weeks and things seem to get harder and more stressful than ever. We are introduced to so many people that when we look back and realize that there are more with worst issues than the ones you have. Some have lost their homes and are living with family members. While other are living day by day with little or no money in their pockets. And others with diseases that I can't even pronounce. But I have to be grateful with what I have and has been given to me. Even when sometimes I see myself doing the same thing over and over again.
But to be truly honest with you guys I got depress when I came back from my trip from Puerto Rico. So many emotions running threw my mind, that had me in a state of complete discomfort. I was able to see my grandmother, aunt and cousins. And even the little ones. But it also brought a little bit of joy having my grandmother hold my daughters (Aiva and Alia, couldn't take Beyonce with me because she was in school). But seeing them for such a short time not knowing when would that next visit would be had me destroyed in the inside. Because you are alive today but you don't know what can happen to you in the next couple of seconds.
Things had change so drastically that I was amazed in horror. The heat was unbearable, everything was so expensive and the government doing so many changes that made the lifestyle so hard. Every corner I looked at was just so frustrating.
Being at my grandmothers house brought back so many good memories that I was overwhelmed. But it also brought dark and scary memories of things that I was not proud of and things that I witnessed as a child that I had stored away not to remember them.
I had to say goodbye with a smile and assuring my grandmother and aunt I was coming back next year with the girls to visit them. I kept all those emotions closed in and just pretended to be ok. When I reached my destination (Clarksville TN) I was all messed up in the head. All the emotions lingering around my head. Then coming back to work was so stressful that I just wanted to do my work and head home without no interruptions. My body started to grasp a negative vibe that was making me very tired. While my body told me that I needed to rest my mind told me to continue with what I was doing and more. It attacked my back, joints, severe headaches, blurry vision and even my hands hurt. It was horrifying.
Trying to play with the girls in the morning was unbearable. I could not twist or turn. Everything was bothering me. My wife was giving her all to make me happy and stress free, but that did not work. It was like something was dragging me down and slowly killing me in the inside. I tried throwing some jokes and smiling just not to worry others, but the pain was still there.
So I woke up this morning with a different look at things. I could not live a life where I was just giving up and not fighting for my family and those that are very close to me. I cut my hair, shaved and head out to work leaving the windows down and letting the breeze take away all the negative vibes I had. I prayed for those that are close to my heart and those that are not. I can tell you that when I was finished praying I felt so relieved. It was like a huge rock was lifted from me.
I know that there will be obstacles in life that will be hard and paths that will be difficult to walk. But I will keep my faith and conquer all those obstacles and walk those paths because I know that in the end everything will make sense. We as human beings have to understand that we are the only ones that can move forward with our goals. Yes we also have to keep faith on God or any other gods you believe in. But stay strong and with your head up high. And when you find that flaw within, that is the moment that you will find a solution to your problems.
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